19/02/09
That is the date tomorrow...tomorrow is my 18th Birthday.
I'm actually pretty darn excited! I don't think i've naturally felt this optimistic and vibrant in a while.
Plans for tomorrow; go to Selfridges with the parents and spend a crazy amount of money on material objects (clothes, shoes, bags) and on Friday will be the day when i can spend some quality time with my fabulous friends in Notting Hill.
Oh, i do love notting hill in the evening, full of life and culture. Bring it.
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
What is happiness to you?
Today I have been pondering...
which isn't always the best thing to do. Pondering what is happiness and it can vary. To some happiness is a sugar laden cupcake, full of nostalgia of their childhood to give them that short burst of happiness that can sprinkle a smile across their face.
Or happiness could be a simple walk in the park, watching the world around you go by ever so silently while you just walk and notice the beauty of colours that have been around you for so long but now you notice them you think they are pure and true to you.
However for me happiness was the taste of alcohol on my crimson red lips, waiting for the feeling of numbness, waiting for the best feeling in the world. Back in the day feeling rather inebriated was my thing, my identity. What an irresponsible, selfish person i was. What a fake, mentally retarded girl i was.
Luckily i woke up and realised who i could be one day. That day i did wake up was a few years later but atleast i woke up, right? Atleast it wasn't ten years down the line...with some sort of liver failure. I'm ok. I'm more than OK. I am alive. Shouldn't that be the reason why we feel happy? To breathe...to walk with our own two legs without needing someone to help get us up? Why are we wasting each minute wondering when work will be over? Or when the next happy hour will be? Why not live for the present? Why not just feel content?
This of course isn't easy nor is it possible for us mere mortals to want to be optimistic and hopeful. Pessimism is the way forward for people these days...but really it just freezes you...it cripples you from what you can do...it kills you from the inside until you look fractured and bitter from the outside.
Yes, i'm a hypocrite. Yes, i do not appreciate what i am given every day. This, my friends, has to change. We have to change. We can change.
From today i am going to take small steps to appreciate myself and those around me...and feel happy for the little things in life.
which isn't always the best thing to do. Pondering what is happiness and it can vary. To some happiness is a sugar laden cupcake, full of nostalgia of their childhood to give them that short burst of happiness that can sprinkle a smile across their face.
Or happiness could be a simple walk in the park, watching the world around you go by ever so silently while you just walk and notice the beauty of colours that have been around you for so long but now you notice them you think they are pure and true to you.
However for me happiness was the taste of alcohol on my crimson red lips, waiting for the feeling of numbness, waiting for the best feeling in the world. Back in the day feeling rather inebriated was my thing, my identity. What an irresponsible, selfish person i was. What a fake, mentally retarded girl i was.
Luckily i woke up and realised who i could be one day. That day i did wake up was a few years later but atleast i woke up, right? Atleast it wasn't ten years down the line...with some sort of liver failure. I'm ok. I'm more than OK. I am alive. Shouldn't that be the reason why we feel happy? To breathe...to walk with our own two legs without needing someone to help get us up? Why are we wasting each minute wondering when work will be over? Or when the next happy hour will be? Why not live for the present? Why not just feel content?
This of course isn't easy nor is it possible for us mere mortals to want to be optimistic and hopeful. Pessimism is the way forward for people these days...but really it just freezes you...it cripples you from what you can do...it kills you from the inside until you look fractured and bitter from the outside.
Yes, i'm a hypocrite. Yes, i do not appreciate what i am given every day. This, my friends, has to change. We have to change. We can change.
From today i am going to take small steps to appreciate myself and those around me...and feel happy for the little things in life.
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